Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
