a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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