I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
