How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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