Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I need to sanitize my soul.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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