I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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