So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
