This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
