It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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