look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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