We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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