Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
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