I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
