I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
