been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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