I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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