There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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