Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
