This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
