I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
