I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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