you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
