You're my little dorito
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
