is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
