I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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