so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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