I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
