Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
