saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
