didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize