apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
