Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize