I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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