i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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