Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
