Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
