When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
