is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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