Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
