Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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