Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
