How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
