I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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