I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
