Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
