When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Randomize
