Who did Billy Mays play for?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
