Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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