After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
