If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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