You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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