i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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