piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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