Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
