I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
