I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Randomize
