No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
