i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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