Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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