Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
