we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
