I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize