Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
