i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
